Yeap, so i'm back again, a century later.
I think it's more about feeling that you want to blog when you blog, you know, like, you see something or you feel special or something on that day and you blog about it. It does happen to me, like when i sawsomethig, i'll be thinking hey, that's something great to talk or blog about and i'll stat thinking about it. The downfall is that things tend to stay for just a short time in my head, so poof! it's gone, when i reach home.
I really did thought of putting up so many things, then that damn esteem problem again, it's always that voice in me whining, oh noooooo!!!! will people like this?? what if they hate me? and then, i'll pause and not do anything. It's pretty stupid really. somedays i'll shut it up, but sometimes(more often than not) it appears again. Oh deary!! Will anybody hate me if i say this or post this?!? Bloody bloody voice, how i wish fervently that i can strangle it, shut it up for the rest of my life.

Enough emo-ing man. So, i think that dr sam's idea of creating our personal logbook is really awesome actually. We get to be us, to do what we like, and to be who we want to be. He wants to teach us to be individual and this is great, it's awesome man. =) All the lessons are kinda like literature, where you try to find meaning in between words and actions of people and nothing has one definite defination. I'm really glad i got into abm.
Yesterday, it started raining during dr sam's class and you can kinda say that my mood followed the weather after that. I hate it when people make feel like a wimp.You did not do something they expect you to do, and the people who expected it of you are annoyed. They may be joking, but it still hurts, and sadly, i'm thost kind of people who just had to hold on to people's words and still remember it long after the incident. Silly, aren't i?
I saw him after that, and it was great, you know. It wasn't like thost stupid exaggerated movie where the girl swoons and shit, but i did stare. The voice wasn't there, but i just couldn't find the courage to go up to him, and it was just that one moment, that one fucking moment, and he was gone. Just like that, and my heart fell. Then, i left. I left man, i left. and the damn sky was so grey and i was feeling so sad and so tired, and it was stupid really. How was i to know if it will ever amount to anything?
I wish i won't hold on to words, i wish i can take apart my memories and erase those sad and angry ones away, but there wouldn't be a point now, would there?